Yosuke Hanamura | 花村 陽介 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dj_jiraiya) wrote2019-06-18 06:17 pm
dj_jiraiya) wrote2019-06-18 06:17 pm
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[ it comes in a bit later in the day, in the evening. he had set the phone on Do Not Disturb once he went to keigo’s home and spent the rest of the day with him. ]
no
no
Edited (html fail) 2019-10-15 14:55 (UTC)
[ Rise can't say she's surprised but boy is she worried. ]
Will you let me help? Please?
Will you let me help? Please?
Dunno if I can fix it, no, but I wanna be there for you anyway.
[ there’s a sigh during those type dots. ]
fine. ill keep the door unlocked.
[ aside from getting up to do just that and wash up a little (just scrub his face with some water and brush his teeth since it was already evening anyway) he’s curled up in bed when rise comes over, headphones over his ears playing soft music so he could still hear her come in. ]
fine. ill keep the door unlocked.
[ aside from getting up to do just that and wash up a little (just scrub his face with some water and brush his teeth since it was already evening anyway) he’s curled up in bed when rise comes over, headphones over his ears playing soft music so he could still hear her come in. ]
thank you
[ For trusting her, for letting her in. She doesn't really have a plan, she just doesn't want to leave Yosuke alone when he's so upset.
She still knocks politely at the door before she opens it, shutting it quietly because making too much of a racket just feels wrong, right now. She slips out of her shoes and finds her way to his bedroom, just letting herself into the bed, under the covers, and lays down next to him. She reaches out a hand just to rest it lightly on his shoulder. ]
[ For trusting her, for letting her in. She doesn't really have a plan, she just doesn't want to leave Yosuke alone when he's so upset.
She still knocks politely at the door before she opens it, shutting it quietly because making too much of a racket just feels wrong, right now. She slips out of her shoes and finds her way to his bedroom, just letting herself into the bed, under the covers, and lays down next to him. She reaches out a hand just to rest it lightly on his shoulder. ]
[ he was really grateful for rise, to be honest. like more than he realized until now. granted, he also spent the day with keigo which helped him a lot. but now that he was alone with his thoughts, it had been hard not to let them run. thinking about every interaction with his friends and how he’d acted throughout the year. the stuff with kanji aside, he didn’t see what chie meant still. and he apologized to kanji and they were in a much better place now regarding that friendship so even if he had messed up, he’d helped mend it.
he pulled the headphones down, letting them lay awkwardly around his neck and being squished into the pillow. his ears were sore from the constant pressure and there was a slight ringing from the lack of noise now. he closed his eyes when she rested her hand on his shoulder, taking a breath and sighing through his nose. ]
Hey.
he pulled the headphones down, letting them lay awkwardly around his neck and being squished into the pillow. his ears were sore from the constant pressure and there was a slight ringing from the lack of noise now. he closed his eyes when she rested her hand on his shoulder, taking a breath and sighing through his nose. ]
Hey.
[ Rise doesn't really know what happened between Yosuke and Chie, but considering the way Chie has been acting toward her, Rise guesses it was something like that. Clearly the girl is hurting, and needs help, but neither of them can do anything for her if she's determined to twist the truth to fit facts she's already decided are true, and to blame them for things they can't control. Or to hate them for doing perfectly normal, stupid teenager stuff.
Rise, at least, mostly let what Chie said roll off her back, but Chie doesn't know Rise as well as she knows Yosuke. If there was any doubt that what she said really hurt him, they're gone now. Rise scoots in a little closer, trying to comfort him with her presence. ]
Hey. I don't really know what to do, but I can be here. We can just listen to music and sleep, whatever you want.
Rise, at least, mostly let what Chie said roll off her back, but Chie doesn't know Rise as well as she knows Yosuke. If there was any doubt that what she said really hurt him, they're gone now. Rise scoots in a little closer, trying to comfort him with her presence. ]
Hey. I don't really know what to do, but I can be here. We can just listen to music and sleep, whatever you want.
[ he took her hand from his shoulder, threading their fingers together as she scooted closer. the warmth was nice and needed. he let out a huff of a laugh, completely devoid of amusement. ]
Don’t know if you can do anything. I don’t even know what I did.
[ the last sentence came out strained and his face looked pinched as he struggled to not let the emotions get to him again. he’d cried enough today, thanks. he let out a slight hiccuping sigh, his free hand going to his forehead to rub for a moment, as if smoothing those furrows out of his brow. ]
I understood where she was coming from, you know? But it was like nothing I said mattered, because ultimately I was never her friend? Or something like that, I don’t know.
Don’t know if you can do anything. I don’t even know what I did.
[ the last sentence came out strained and his face looked pinched as he struggled to not let the emotions get to him again. he’d cried enough today, thanks. he let out a slight hiccuping sigh, his free hand going to his forehead to rub for a moment, as if smoothing those furrows out of his brow. ]
I understood where she was coming from, you know? But it was like nothing I said mattered, because ultimately I was never her friend? Or something like that, I don’t know.
[ Nothing may be eating Yosuke, but hunger is quick to remind Setsura of her appetite, which sees her apply the appropriate manners, then enthusiastically sink her teeth into that bagel by the time he says "Chie". She chews thoughtfully as she listens, swallowing. She's glad he trusts that she has her reasons, but certain things deserve clarification. Her pride demands it. ]
I'm not the sort of person you have to worry about that sort of thing with. I pay my own way unless I'm collecting a debt owed to me. I expect the same of others.
[ She lifts her bagel to her mouth only to pause, quirking a brow as she considers the behavior he described. ]
Are you sure this Chie person doesn't have a crush on you? It sounds like she's using it as an excuse to spend time with you.
I'm not the sort of person you have to worry about that sort of thing with. I pay my own way unless I'm collecting a debt owed to me. I expect the same of others.
[ She lifts her bagel to her mouth only to pause, quirking a brow as she considers the behavior he described. ]
Are you sure this Chie person doesn't have a crush on you? It sounds like she's using it as an excuse to spend time with you.
Yeah, jury's still out on that one.
[ the most deadpan answer to ever deadpan and he says it while taking a big bite of his sundae. And then nearly choked at the next question.]
What? Ew no! That'd be like dating my sister! Please, she's cute and all but no. And I'm totally sure she's not crushing on me. She's dating my best friend, after all.
[ the most deadpan answer to ever deadpan and he says it while taking a big bite of his sundae. And then nearly choked at the next question.]
What? Ew no! That'd be like dating my sister! Please, she's cute and all but no. And I'm totally sure she's not crushing on me. She's dating my best friend, after all.
[ She offers a shrug in response to his first statement, taking another bite of bagel and chewing it as though she hadn't pitched something incredulous. It is a little amusing to hear him protest so strongly. Makes it tempting to tease him, but she decides to spare him for the moment. ]
If it bothers you, you should tell her to knock it off. [ A beat. ] That might not be easy, though. She's already had a taste of steak off your yen. It's only natural to return when and where the eating is good.
If it bothers you, you should tell her to knock it off. [ A beat. ] That might not be easy, though. She's already had a taste of steak off your yen. It's only natural to return when and where the eating is good.
Edited (eventually i'll stop adding words) 2019-10-18 01:33 (UTC)
I do. Every time. [ he rolls his eyes, taking another bite as he listens. ] Please stop, that's not the reason either. But she has knocked it off since I got here. And I'm not about to bring that up with her again so.
Besides, you don't even need a job to make money here so it's not like she has a reason to mooch anymore.
Besides, you don't even need a job to make money here so it's not like she has a reason to mooch anymore.
[ As long as he acknowledges it as a legitimate reason. She wasn't joking. People and animals alike follow that pattern. An acquaintance from some decades ago might just show up at one's door for a fond meal remembered. ]
I wouldn't know anything about that. It's always been something for something as long as I can remember.
I wouldn't know anything about that. It's always been something for something as long as I can remember.
[ She rubs her thumb over his palm, frowning just a little. ]
I don't know what you did, either. Probably not what Chie seems to think you did, though, if what she's been saying to me is anything to go by. I don't know what world she's living in but it isn't the one I'm living in.
[ She sighs and readjusts her face on the pillow. ]
That's kinda how it felt for me, too. The first time, after I stormed out and then came back, and then earlier today. She had just come to conclusions already and nothing I said would change them. I guess I can understand her doing that to me, but we were never as close as you and her were. I would have thought she'd trust you a lot more.
[ Guess not? ]
I don't know what you did, either. Probably not what Chie seems to think you did, though, if what she's been saying to me is anything to go by. I don't know what world she's living in but it isn't the one I'm living in.
[ She sighs and readjusts her face on the pillow. ]
That's kinda how it felt for me, too. The first time, after I stormed out and then came back, and then earlier today. She had just come to conclusions already and nothing I said would change them. I guess I can understand her doing that to me, but we were never as close as you and her were. I would have thought she'd trust you a lot more.
[ Guess not? ]
What has she been saying?
[ he let his arm drop and he curled up a little, careful not to bump his knees against her. ]
I thought so too. But apparently she thinks all I did was put up with her when I was bored and Saki wasn’t around for me to, and I quote, moon over.
[ he’s still a little bitter about that tidbit. chie has no idea what saki was really like and how he really felt about her, clearly. ]
[ he let his arm drop and he curled up a little, careful not to bump his knees against her. ]
I thought so too. But apparently she thinks all I did was put up with her when I was bored and Saki wasn’t around for me to, and I quote, moon over.
[ he’s still a little bitter about that tidbit. chie has no idea what saki was really like and how he really felt about her, clearly. ]
What you said, mostly, that you just "put up with her" when you're "bored".
[ What kind of bullshit. ]
Stuff about me that sounds just as hard to believe and is what first made me think she's not quite in reality with the rest of us.
[ But this isn't about Rise's feels, it's about Yosuke's. She frowns, giving his hand a squeeze. ]
Chie's never really been the best at knowing what other people are thinking or how they feel, but this is a whole new level.
[ What kind of bullshit. ]
Stuff about me that sounds just as hard to believe and is what first made me think she's not quite in reality with the rest of us.
[ But this isn't about Rise's feels, it's about Yosuke's. She frowns, giving his hand a squeeze. ]
Chie's never really been the best at knowing what other people are thinking or how they feel, but this is a whole new level.
She’s assumed so much and I don’t even understand where it came from. Saki-senpai has been gone well over a year now, what was the point of bringing her up now? I mean... without her to moon over then how could I just put up with her for that long? Or you guys for that matter if that’s all I ever did.
[ it was just so irritating, feeling like you messed up but so confused as to how and why and if it’s even something you could fix. did he mess up somewhere down the line? ]
It really wasn’t fair, y’know. To bring Saki into this when she’s not around to defend herself. So many people already did that back home.
[ it was just so irritating, feeling like you messed up but so confused as to how and why and if it’s even something you could fix. did he mess up somewhere down the line? ]
It really wasn’t fair, y’know. To bring Saki into this when she’s not around to defend herself. So many people already did that back home.
Pretty sure we're past senpai and all that.
[ A small sip of the coffee and snorts a little, not hard enough to spill the coffee but enough that he needs to take a proper swallow before he speaks again. ]
You're not making a call to whoever it is I end up dating.
[ A small sip of the coffee and snorts a little, not hard enough to spill the coffee but enough that he needs to take a proper swallow before he speaks again. ]
You're not making a call to whoever it is I end up dating.
Ha ha, I guess so.
[It's Ren's turn to laugh as he gently moves around the coffee in his cup.]
Well, since you asked so nicely.
[There's no punchline this time. Ren knows when to stop teasing.]
[It's Ren's turn to laugh as he gently moves around the coffee in his cup.]
Well, since you asked so nicely.
[There's no punchline this time. Ren knows when to stop teasing.]
Hi so I think I need to apologize for a lot of things including what I said to you at the beach but probably some other stuff too like a year's worth of kicking but also I need you to promise me that if I have to bug out and run for whatever reason like I did then PLEASE DO NOT FOLLOW ME AGAIN.
Sorry but it's important you don't bad things will happen if I can't run away when I really need to it's one of the things I talked to the doctor about when I went with Hifumi to get my brain fixed yesterday or at least have someone explain to me how it's broken which it is but anyway I told the doctor about what happened with you and what happened with Rise and just what has been happening in general.
I am not sorry I went to the doctor instead of another person in the IT it was good for me and none of our friends know about broken brains not in ways that don't involve getting personas so there.
But I am sorry that I yelled at you like that and also about all the kicking.
Sorry but it's important you don't bad things will happen if I can't run away when I really need to it's one of the things I talked to the doctor about when I went with Hifumi to get my brain fixed yesterday or at least have someone explain to me how it's broken which it is but anyway I told the doctor about what happened with you and what happened with Rise and just what has been happening in general.
I am not sorry I went to the doctor instead of another person in the IT it was good for me and none of our friends know about broken brains not in ways that don't involve getting personas so there.
But I am sorry that I yelled at you like that and also about all the kicking.
[ it takes a little time but a series of texts eventually come in. ]
You can’t really expect me to promise that. Not unless you’re going to tell me ahead of time that you need to go. You can’t expect anyone to know not to follow you if they don’t know that you’re trying to run off and stuff, Chie. People generally aren’t mind readers and they’re gonna wonder why you’re suddenly bouncing from the conversation. Besides, I thought you were Yukiko at the time.
I’m not mad that you’re seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or whichever one it is. I was never upset that you saw Crowley. I was upset that you ONLY saw him. That you didn’t come to your friends AS WELL. I don’t get what you mean by broken brain Chie and that’s exactly why I was upset. You can’t expect others to already know all this. You didn’t say anything. You just got angry and then decided we’re not good enough to just talk to. It doesn’t matter if we can’t really relate or something, just having someone listening can help, especially if its someone you consider a friend.
I don’t care about the yelling and kicking at this point Chie because you haven’t told me why you did those things and I’m not accepting an apology for something like that. You’re the one who said I’m not actually your friend, remember? How can I accept your apology when you’re not being honest with me? When you apparently haven’t been honest with me this whole time? And you brought Saki into it when she’s not here to defend herself!
[ he hopes he’s wording this well enough because all Chie’s text sounded like was just a bunch of excuses for her behavior. Even if she does have mental illnesses that no one caught till now, it doesn’t matter. She said things that has nothing to do with that, not to him. It could explain her kicking and whatever, but not what happened on the beach. ]
I’ve had friends leave me before, just completely forgetting about me. I’d rather you didn’t and told me honestly what you want out of this, if it’s actually a friendship or not. I’m not doing this one-sided BS again.
You can’t really expect me to promise that. Not unless you’re going to tell me ahead of time that you need to go. You can’t expect anyone to know not to follow you if they don’t know that you’re trying to run off and stuff, Chie. People generally aren’t mind readers and they’re gonna wonder why you’re suddenly bouncing from the conversation. Besides, I thought you were Yukiko at the time.
I’m not mad that you’re seeing a therapist or psychiatrist or whichever one it is. I was never upset that you saw Crowley. I was upset that you ONLY saw him. That you didn’t come to your friends AS WELL. I don’t get what you mean by broken brain Chie and that’s exactly why I was upset. You can’t expect others to already know all this. You didn’t say anything. You just got angry and then decided we’re not good enough to just talk to. It doesn’t matter if we can’t really relate or something, just having someone listening can help, especially if its someone you consider a friend.
I don’t care about the yelling and kicking at this point Chie because you haven’t told me why you did those things and I’m not accepting an apology for something like that. You’re the one who said I’m not actually your friend, remember? How can I accept your apology when you’re not being honest with me? When you apparently haven’t been honest with me this whole time? And you brought Saki into it when she’s not here to defend herself!
[ he hopes he’s wording this well enough because all Chie’s text sounded like was just a bunch of excuses for her behavior. Even if she does have mental illnesses that no one caught till now, it doesn’t matter. She said things that has nothing to do with that, not to him. It could explain her kicking and whatever, but not what happened on the beach. ]
I’ve had friends leave me before, just completely forgetting about me. I’d rather you didn’t and told me honestly what you want out of this, if it’s actually a friendship or not. I’m not doing this one-sided BS again.
Edited 2019-10-25 16:11 (UTC)
[The little '...' typing dots come in right after the first of those texts, right before the second shows up... and then go away.
Yosuke won't actually get his reply for another few hours.]
Yosuke I am serious about letting me leave this is one of the things I talked about with the doctor when I get trapped in the stupid typhoon of bad feelings the thing I need to do most is run away and if I can't run away I will turn around and say the worst thing I can think of maybe so whoever I'm with will LET me run away idk it makes sense to me I talked about a lot of stuff with the doctor we went way over session this is a PATTERN with me and how I react to shit we figured that much out I can't stop the reaction and idk when we will be able to get me to stop saying terrible shit when I'm trapped in the bad emotion pit but IF I CAN LEAVE then I won't be around to say that shit.
I will say something like I NEED TO GO NOW so you know what is happening but this is serious Yosuke this is something I DO and I am trying to make it so that I won't ever say anything as terrible as what I said to you on the beach again and if you don't let me go I probably WILL this is something I DO when I am drowning in the lake of everything feels terrible I am trying to NOT do it again.
Also I AM trying to explain this it is COMPLICATED but I DO want to be friends with you if I didn't I wouldn't be TRYING to explain this and I wouldn't have gone to a doctor to talk about why my brain is broken and I can't trust my friends and I think that everyone is going to always go away but if I can make them go away at least then I have control of when they go.
Please Yosuke I am not kidding this is important this is a really obvious bad pattern we found yesterday I promise I will explain what has been going on in my head as much as I can but you have to let me do that much!!!
Yosuke won't actually get his reply for another few hours.]
Yosuke I am serious about letting me leave this is one of the things I talked about with the doctor when I get trapped in the stupid typhoon of bad feelings the thing I need to do most is run away and if I can't run away I will turn around and say the worst thing I can think of maybe so whoever I'm with will LET me run away idk it makes sense to me I talked about a lot of stuff with the doctor we went way over session this is a PATTERN with me and how I react to shit we figured that much out I can't stop the reaction and idk when we will be able to get me to stop saying terrible shit when I'm trapped in the bad emotion pit but IF I CAN LEAVE then I won't be around to say that shit.
I will say something like I NEED TO GO NOW so you know what is happening but this is serious Yosuke this is something I DO and I am trying to make it so that I won't ever say anything as terrible as what I said to you on the beach again and if you don't let me go I probably WILL this is something I DO when I am drowning in the lake of everything feels terrible I am trying to NOT do it again.
Also I AM trying to explain this it is COMPLICATED but I DO want to be friends with you if I didn't I wouldn't be TRYING to explain this and I wouldn't have gone to a doctor to talk about why my brain is broken and I can't trust my friends and I think that everyone is going to always go away but if I can make them go away at least then I have control of when they go.
Please Yosuke I am not kidding this is important this is a really obvious bad pattern we found yesterday I promise I will explain what has been going on in my head as much as I can but you have to let me do that much!!!
That’s all I asked. If you say something, fine. But if you bolt without saying anything no one’s gonna know and you can’t blame them if they choose to follow.
I never said this wasn’t important, Chie. Stop assuming what I’m thinking or feeling. You haven’t explained anything to me though. Just that you apparently have some issues that you need working out with a doctor. It hardly explains why you said what you said. Why you’ve done the things you’ve done.
No one is stopping you, least of all me. You reached out, so get on with the explanation. I’m not considering your apology until you do.
I never said this wasn’t important, Chie. Stop assuming what I’m thinking or feeling. You haven’t explained anything to me though. Just that you apparently have some issues that you need working out with a doctor. It hardly explains why you said what you said. Why you’ve done the things you’ve done.
No one is stopping you, least of all me. You reached out, so get on with the explanation. I’m not considering your apology until you do.
Then you should also stop assuming what I'm thinking or feeling too because you do that all the time!!!
And I was getting to the explanation I told you it's complicated I am TRYING to explain give me a minute to get my thoughts together so I can explain it better.
[And then the '...' of still typing pops up and it stays popped up for a while as Chie types things out and erases them and types them up again.]
And I was getting to the explanation I told you it's complicated I am TRYING to explain give me a minute to get my thoughts together so I can explain it better.
[And then the '...' of still typing pops up and it stays popped up for a while as Chie types things out and erases them and types them up again.]
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