[The little '...' typing dots come in right after the first of those texts, right before the second shows up... and then go away.
Yosuke won't actually get his reply for another few hours.]
Yosuke I am serious about letting me leave this is one of the things I talked about with the doctor when I get trapped in the stupid typhoon of bad feelings the thing I need to do most is run away and if I can't run away I will turn around and say the worst thing I can think of maybe so whoever I'm with will LET me run away idk it makes sense to me I talked about a lot of stuff with the doctor we went way over session this is a PATTERN with me and how I react to shit we figured that much out I can't stop the reaction and idk when we will be able to get me to stop saying terrible shit when I'm trapped in the bad emotion pit but IF I CAN LEAVE then I won't be around to say that shit.
I will say something like I NEED TO GO NOW so you know what is happening but this is serious Yosuke this is something I DO and I am trying to make it so that I won't ever say anything as terrible as what I said to you on the beach again and if you don't let me go I probably WILL this is something I DO when I am drowning in the lake of everything feels terrible I am trying to NOT do it again.
Also I AM trying to explain this it is COMPLICATED but I DO want to be friends with you if I didn't I wouldn't be TRYING to explain this and I wouldn't have gone to a doctor to talk about why my brain is broken and I can't trust my friends and I think that everyone is going to always go away but if I can make them go away at least then I have control of when they go.
Please Yosuke I am not kidding this is important this is a really obvious bad pattern we found yesterday I promise I will explain what has been going on in my head as much as I can but you have to let me do that much!!!
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Date: 2019-10-25 06:37 pm (UTC)Yosuke won't actually get his reply for another few hours.]
Yosuke I am serious about letting me leave this is one of the things I talked about with the doctor when I get trapped in the stupid typhoon of bad feelings the thing I need to do most is run away and if I can't run away I will turn around and say the worst thing I can think of maybe so whoever I'm with will LET me run away idk it makes sense to me I talked about a lot of stuff with the doctor we went way over session this is a PATTERN with me and how I react to shit we figured that much out I can't stop the reaction and idk when we will be able to get me to stop saying terrible shit when I'm trapped in the bad emotion pit but IF I CAN LEAVE then I won't be around to say that shit.
I will say something like I NEED TO GO NOW so you know what is happening but this is serious Yosuke this is something I DO and I am trying to make it so that I won't ever say anything as terrible as what I said to you on the beach again and if you don't let me go I probably WILL this is something I DO when I am drowning in the lake of everything feels terrible I am trying to NOT do it again.
Also I AM trying to explain this it is COMPLICATED but I DO want to be friends with you if I didn't I wouldn't be TRYING to explain this and I wouldn't have gone to a doctor to talk about why my brain is broken and I can't trust my friends and I think that everyone is going to always go away but if I can make them go away at least then I have control of when they go.
Please Yosuke I am not kidding this is important this is a really obvious bad pattern we found yesterday I promise I will explain what has been going on in my head as much as I can but you have to let me do that much!!!