dj_jiraiya | Inbox

so.....
you mentioned that you were into both guys and girls on the network
how did you...know that you liked both

[ oh. he didn't expect that question, at all. but he supposed he wasn't super surprised either, he wasn't the only one making this sort of revelation it seemed. ]

um, it was... kind of a lot of things? i mean, firstly i think i liked both for a long time but i was in like

super deep denial and i needed to get over that first. growin up, ur told its not rite and stuff, u know? but like... well i cant go into detail since itd be prying into kanji's shadow stuff but he was kinda goin thru the same crisis but he was gettin shit on it a lot becuz he liked knitting and stuff

and i was one of those ppl givin him shit for it, sorry 2 say (i've apologized to him!!)

so like, that was the hurdle i had to get through to even accept that i was... well, that i was like that, u know? that i could see that guys weren't just good lookin but like, that i was attracted to them.

[ a pause and then. ]

ugh sry i didnt mean to write a novel! it was basically just... well, as Rise said. "Are they cute or are they *cute*?" and struggling to figure out if it was the latter since, y'know, we got eyeballs. we can see when someone's good-lookin lol once i realized it was yeah, they're just as hot and attractive as girls then it was just... accepting it.

Edited 2019-10-26 00:55 (UTC)

ha a novel is totally fine
it helps seeing your whole thought process

[ the dots bounce for several minutes. yukari types, erases, types, erases. finally: ]

i'd never considered it before, really. it's like you said, growing up you only ever hear guys like girls and girls like guys and that's it. but it never bothered me that there were girls in my classes who were into other girls. like that's just who they were, you know? nothing wrong with that.
but that wasn't me. to be honest, i don't think i paid enough attention to people to find anyone attractive. it took all my energy to get through each day to notice if someone was cute. it wasn't until my second year at gekkoukan that i even thought about trying to find a boyfriend, but i put that off so i could spend as much time with minako as i could.
...looking back, that probably should have been a clue. duh.

but there's enough time here to figure out what you like with no judgement. like i still think guys are cute, but there's been girls too and i keep...
jeez. now i'm writing you a novel.

LOL yeah these kinda thoughts tend to bring that outta u

honestly, the breaking point was here in this place but i think it woulda happened either way back home, just at a slower pace. there was a triple moon where these side effects from that fox festival (idr if u were here for that or not) sorta happened to me. it wasnt a bad thing tho? just kinda made me more confident and less... weird about what ppl think about me.

and then i kissed ren and i liked it and i worried that it was just the moons but even when it was over i realized i still liked it so it was just a matter of accepting it and moving forward.

i still dont know how to handle some of it but its nice not holding myself back on at least letting myself look if u know what i mean ;)

oh yeah, the foxes with the whole cordis cult. i didn't know triple moon stuff happened after that. ren-kun seems like the kinda guy who'd start those kinda thoughts. all he does is seem to flirt. still, if you have to fall for anyone, ren-kun's a good pick. he's cute.

[ another pause with bouncing dots. ]

accepting feels like the hardest part. i feel...unsure, does that make sense? like, there's someone i've been seeing since i got here and that felt easy. we've known each other forever. i think i always felt that way about her.

but i kissed someone during iris and it was really nice. i keep thinking about it and kinda want to do it again, but what if it was just the moon? but there's been other girls that i thought were cute outside of iris so.... idk. i think this is the new me or i'm realizing this is who i always was. i just have to know for sure, you know?

and jeez yosuke-san, you sound like such a boy lol

ok 1, i didn't fall for ren. but yeah, he's cute... you should see him w/o his glasses too and 2 DUH becuz i am a boy and don't lie, u girls look just as much as we boys do. u just hide it better :P

[ a pause as well as he thinks through the next words. ]

if it ONLY happened during the moons, i'd feel like you'd have a better case of it just bein a moon thing. but it hasnt so, and this is just because it's kinda the same with me, it may have been somethin that you always were but just didnt realize it until now.

but yeah, it makes total sense to be unsure about accepting it. i just cant do much to help you in that regard, its kinda up to you to face yourself and accept it or deny it. but ill def be here for you anyway! :)

without glasses huh? alright challenge accepted
i still gotta get him to take me shopping
and ykw, yeah, yeah we totally do. (´ヮ`)

maybe...? its something to think about i guess. as much as i dont wanna think about it ugh
but youre right, you cant run away from who you are. it wouldnt be fair
and thanks. that...really means a lot? like a whole lot. not that prismals would think twice about someone being bisexual was out of the ordinary but having people from home say that helps

i wonder if its actually a challenge, i didn't have to ask for him to take em off. he just sorta did. ┐(￣ヮ￣)┌

oooh, shopping for what?

dont think too hard on it, really. like you'll just start overthinking if u do and trust me i know overthinking. its a pain in the ass. not that it stopped me from doing that so i mean, if ur able to keep yourself from overthinking pls do it and just try to go with the flow or somethin instead

ur welcome! im glad i could help ＼(＾▽＾)／

yeah i def hear u there, thats what helps keep me grounded about it all. knowing my friends have my back while i figure all this out too.

i only know him through other but that sounds totally like him
and we're shopping for clothes! eventually. he offered to help me out during my first iris to find stuff that will fit over horns and tails but we took a rain check since a lot of people offered to help
maybe i could get him to model?

i am so bad with going with the flow but im gonna try
just do what feels right and explore

yeah! i know mine will
god minako is going to laugh at me forever once i tell her
ill never hear the end of it

u kno he'd prolly do it. he seems to go for anything as long as its fun.

haha, u and me both but ive found it to be a lil easier over time? im by no means a master at it tho. just gotta keep tryin!

aww im sure she wont laugh for that long!

thats the impression i got. long as the both of you are having fun hes kinda up for anything
if he does any good poses ill grab some pictures for you (･ω<)☆

youre right yosuke san
she'll laugh for two forevers

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